In Defense Of The Van

"HammerheadFistpunch" (hammerheadfistpunch) 09/03/2015 at 13:37 • Filed to: Van, Rant

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Yeah, I get it; Minivans, right? Wrong! I think its time we reexamine the minivan. Now, I’m not going to sit and tell you they are the right choice if you want speed, handling or hairy chested performance of ANY kind. I’m also the first to admit that they are the fashion equivalent of a denim jansport backpack with the leather bottom but lets step back from all that “your mom drives a minivan!” crap and look at it from the perspective of the box.

The box is good, we love the box. The box is the ability to haul stuff, aesthetics be damned. Some boxes (Volvo 240 wagon) are better than other boxes (2nd gen scion Xb) but the essence of the box is a good thing, for car lovers and people haulers alike. Boxes carry construction stuff, they carry car parts, they carry cars, and toys and motorcycles. Boxes carry lots of things that we like about being car people, I could go on but lets just say that the box is good.

Now traditionally in this country the job of carrying things has moved outside the box to the pickup truck. This is fine, there is stuff you can fit in a truck you can’t in a box, and trucks can tow more, a natural consequence of being built to do that. However, what the truck CANNOT do that the box can, is move the most stuff in the smallest package. Lets compare a few trucks to Minivans to illustrate my point.

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That’s right, Mr. mid-sized truck, the lowly Toyota van can carry more bags of concrete than you can. The Minivans are shorter but wider than the biggest mid-sized trucks, but have higher payloads and larger cargo volumes. They also have similar power to weight and similar economy. It should be noted that these are quad cab V6 trucks with 2WD in their most capable payload configurations and the vans are V6 in their most capable (mostly standard) configurations. Drop the truck numbers down about 150 lbs if you opt for 4x4.

(so much room for activities!)

Lets go back and look at that cargo volume for a second. 140-150 cubic feet of cargo...that’s a lot. Granted the trucks bed volume isn’t a true measure of its size because its open to the sky, but even if you 1/3rd the vans interior volume to account for bed height its still 49 cubic feet. Not only is that as much as the much longer truck, but it can carry MORE weight as well. Now I will concede you can’t take 5 people AND have that much space as you can in the trucks, but the van is nearly 2 feet shorter than those long bed crew cabs too. At this point I would like to point out that at no time can you take more than 5 people in a pickup truck (in seat belts and out of the rain at least). You can still haul 90 cubic feet of things in these vans and carry 5 people, it just can’t be long items. This stuff you carry is also inside away from the weather, and while that’s not ALWAYS a good thing (stinky/messy stuff) it sure can be...and lets not forget camping in a van! Most can tow too, not as much as a truck but 3500 lbs is typically all the average mid-sized truck buyer is going to pull around on a trailer anyway before them move up to half ton.

Now, I’m not actually suggesting that a minivan can replace a truck...cause if you need a truck you need a truck...I’m only pointing out how insanely voluminous and versatile and heavy duty these vans are. Would I have one as my only car? probably not, not unless I needed it for my job. I likewise wouldn’t choose one, in my stable, for the joy of driving (would you do that in a truck anyway?) but if I could have 3 cars, one would be an off-road vehicle, one would be a RWD fun machine and one would be a small van.

I guess what I’m saying is that yeah, the minivan has a bad rep, but if you can forget about all that stereotype nonsense you shouldn’t care about anyway and learn to...sorry...think inside the box you can learn to appreciate and love these vans for what they are and what they can do. And if were all honest with ourselves, the only difference between these vans and a crossover these days is bigger, easier to load doors that slide, AWD (optional on at least one minivan) and an aesthetic that’s slowly morphing away from the macho “anti-van” right back into a smoother, rounder, less useful van shape.

So please, give the minivan a break its just doing its box thing.

TheHondaBro > HammerheadFistpunch 09/03/2015 at 13:38

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I love minivans.

For Sweden > HammerheadFistpunch 09/03/2015 at 13:40

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vans are neat

Ike > HammerheadFistpunch 09/03/2015 at 13:40

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Love mini vans! Bring em back in vogue they are see fan see

Party-vi > HammerheadFistpunch 09/03/2015 at 13:41

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Y’all need Jesus.

MR2_FTW - Group J's resident Stig > HammerheadFistpunch 09/03/2015 at 13:42

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I love vans. They are the pinnacle of practicality.

HammerheadFistpunch > Party-vi 09/03/2015 at 13:42

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He would fit in a minivan.

For Sweden > Party-vi 09/03/2015 at 13:43

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Jesus would use a van to take his kids to Hebrew school

Party-vi > For Sweden 09/03/2015 at 13:45

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I get the feel Jesus wouldn’t be welcome at Hebrew school...

Party-vi > HammerheadFistpunch 09/03/2015 at 13:46

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Wouldn’t a hearse be more appropriate? :3

For Sweden > Party-vi 09/03/2015 at 13:47

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Well he certainly isn’t taking his kids to the Roman-run school

Iheartstorms > HammerheadFistpunch 09/03/2015 at 13:47

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As someone who just bought a new Sienna on Monday, I concur with this entire article.

Party-vi > For Sweden 09/03/2015 at 13:48

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The Romans would be cross at him for that.

deekster_caddy > HammerheadFistpunch 09/03/2015 at 13:48

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I’ve always loved vans. I don’t want a minivan for my DD, but we are probably going to pick up a used one soon for the occasions when our cars aren’t enough. A beater to kick around, take to the town compost, have 7 seats when we need 7 (which is happening more and more frequently), stuff like that.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > HammerheadFistpunch 09/03/2015 at 13:48

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Vans are amazing if you need to take a long trip and you don’t want the passengers to end up murduring each other.

HammerheadFistpunch > deekster_caddy 09/03/2015 at 13:50

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exactly, basically a work truck, without the trouble of it being a truck.

HammerheadFistpunch > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 09/03/2015 at 13:51

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True, I drove down the east coast in one and literally no one was murdered.

CB > Party-vi 09/03/2015 at 13:52

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Jeez, really nailed it with that joke.

random001 > HammerheadFistpunch 09/03/2015 at 13:56

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Can I get an AWD forced induction manual transmission minivan?

Ash78, voting early and often > Party-vi 09/03/2015 at 13:56

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Derp, wrong thread

Ash78, voting early and often > HammerheadFistpunch 09/03/2015 at 13:57

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Odyssey: 4’x8’ plywood, gate closed. No problem. In fact, TONS of them stacked up. Drywall? Protected from the elements. Bonus: remove the front center console and you can put 10’ boards in there and close the gate.

I won’t say too many nice things about our van, but capacity it has. In spades.

HammerheadFistpunch > random001 09/03/2015 at 13:57

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Can you get an awd forced induction manual transmission wagon?

Party-vi > Ash78, voting early and often 09/03/2015 at 13:58

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Take yer minivan lovin’ butt and get to steppin’

*spits dip*

RallyWrench > HammerheadFistpunch 09/03/2015 at 13:59

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“ if I could have 3 cars, one would be an off-road vehicle, one would be a RWD fun machine and one would be a small van. “

Ta da! It’s horses for courses. I’ve got my truck for trucky stuff, a daily neat car and long term projects in the garage, and this is the new family hauler, which replaced... wait for it... a manual transmission RWD station wagon! Oh, the horror! Strangely, I feel no less masculine when piloting this in supreme comfort. It’s faster than most of the cars I’ve ever owned, and the stereo kicks ass.

HammerheadFistpunch > Ash78, voting early and often 09/03/2015 at 13:59

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This is pretty much how my father in law uses his van

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > HammerheadFistpunch 09/03/2015 at 14:00

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When I was a kid we once drove from MA to FL and back in an Escort wagon. I started the trip with two siblings. There was only one by the time we got home.

random001 > HammerheadFistpunch 09/03/2015 at 14:05

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I don’t know. Maybe? I don’t know nothin’ ‘bout no minivans. Seriously. I know there were some turbo minivans back in the day. I love boost. But there are no manual minivans anymore, right? I don’t know of any. I think all the big names are available with AWD. Why not get a Ford Flex? It’s a turbo AWD wagon, but no manual. I dunno, just asking.

Dusty Ventures > HammerheadFistpunch 09/03/2015 at 14:09

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Yes

random001 > HammerheadFistpunch 09/03/2015 at 14:13

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Do they all have the stowey flat rear seats these days? I know my parent’s Chrysler does.

TractorPillow > HammerheadFistpunch 09/03/2015 at 14:14

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While all your arguments are valid and a minivan is incredibly practical, I just can’t do it. Plus practicality is overrated. You can make anything practical. I’m a foster parent and have a 14 year old for the next year who is about 6’. He fits just fine in the back of my classic mini with my 2 dogs.

Takuro Spirit > HammerheadFistpunch 09/03/2015 at 14:20

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I miss our little van-lette sometimes.

Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! > HammerheadFistpunch 09/03/2015 at 14:23

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Vans make a ton of sense for people that need to carry a lot of stuff or people.

Not to mention it is the perfect camping rig for one or two. Remove the seats, lay down an air mattress, and sleep. No putting up the damn tent and worrying about getting rained on.

Plus, if you like doing FWD burnouts, vans are great with that.

If I would have any need for it at all, I'd own either a Mazda5 or a Ford Transit

BigBlock440 > random001 09/03/2015 at 14:33

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No, Chrysler has a patent on it.

HammerheadFistpunch > TractorPillow 09/03/2015 at 14:48

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Well you shouldn’t do it if you have only one other human with you anyway

TractorPillow > HammerheadFistpunch 09/03/2015 at 15:13

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2 more (one in front and one in back). Don’t get me wrong, I think vans make incredible sense.

Devon lost his burner, understands electric cars don't require front grilles > HammerheadFistpunch 09/03/2015 at 15:13

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Comfortable, reasonably efficient, holds stuff in secure closed area, or passengers should the need arise. Perfect.

HammerheadFistpunch > Dusty Ventures 09/03/2015 at 15:15

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not anymore you can’t

Dusty Ventures > HammerheadFistpunch 09/03/2015 at 15:21

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*Cries*

HammerheadFistpunch > Dusty Ventures 09/03/2015 at 15:22

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I remember when they told me the LGT was going away and that the manual in with the 2.5 turbo was disappearing...I think I did cry a little tear (I owned a 2005 Forester xt manual at the time)

Dusty Ventures > HammerheadFistpunch 09/03/2015 at 15:28

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This is why I’m determined to make my XT last.

HammerheadFistpunch > Takuro Spirit 09/03/2015 at 15:28

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I have tried SO many times to steer people to a 5...its like trying to get people to buy a kizashi.

coqui70 > RallyWrench 09/03/2015 at 21:43

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Plus you can haul ass and cops don’t pay attention because it’s a van.